He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
