Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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