Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
