Your face is a jimmy john
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
