I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
