yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
