Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
