she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
