Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Fuck appropriateness.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
