I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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