You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
