are you still at the devil's house?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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