Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
