I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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