Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
