Do you still have your period?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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