this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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