FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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