I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
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There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
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Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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