It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
