You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
