So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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