i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
