I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
