Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
