I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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