There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
