hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
