he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If I die, sorry about rent.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
