you guys were way drunker than both of me
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
