I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
