I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
