Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
