Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she told me i tasted like america
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
