I must be too annoying 4 u.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
not ubering you a puppy
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
