Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize