My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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