the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
