would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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