just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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