I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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