Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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