Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
