"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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