Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
