ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
