It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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