New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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