Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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