I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
