just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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