between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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