You're my little dorito
Apparently you make a good broom.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
