This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You pole danced in your parka.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
