Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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