I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There r osticjed everywhere
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
