I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
