There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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