She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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