Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
