Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
