all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
