I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
