homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just forgot I was standing up.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
