im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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